


It Is You

by A_Manda_Lorian



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Pre-TFA, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23947666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Manda_Lorian/pseuds/A_Manda_Lorian
Summary: The Rise of Kylo Ren comics revealed that Rey felt Ben’s fall to the darkside, so in this one-shot, I explore the idea of Rey’s abandonment on Jakku being a catalyst for Ben’s journey to the dark. If they were always connected, Ben would inevitably sense Rey’s deepest feelings and cause them to intertwine with his own feelings toward his life.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	It Is You

The Falcon flew away as Ben stood next to his graying uncle. Luke’s academy was his new home and he had no choice in the matter. Leia was constantly attending to important senatorial duties, and Han was running around doing who-knows-what with Chewie.  
Ben’s throat felt tight as he watched his father’s ship leave him behind. All he wanted was to be a pilot just like his dad, and now that future wasn’t even a possibility. Sure, Luke was a great pilot, apparently all the Skywalkers are, but he was no Han Solo. And nothing flew like the Millenium Falcon.  
Ben sighed and wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye. He had to hold it together. He didn’t want to look weak in front of Luke and he definitely didn’t want his first meeting with the other students to be with red, swollen eyes.  
“Hey kid, you’re going to love it here. The other students are around your age and are learning all the same things about the Force that you will be.” Luke smiled and rested a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “You are going to be one of the strongest Jedi the galaxy has ever seen.”  
Ben managed to glance up and smile, half-heartedly, at his uncle and turned toward the temple that stood in their background. This was his future now.

~

Ben sat crossed-legged on the floor as he tinkered with his lightsaber. His quarters were situated in an outlying building, far from the temple where older students were in a training session with Luke. He had a couple hours of down time, and instead of spending time with the other students his age, he decided to keep to himself. He had been feeling a bit more anxious than usual, for no apparent reason. Sometimes he couldn’t figure out why he felt some of the emotions that he felt. One time, when he was about 10 years old, he was having a fun-filled day with his dad and uncle Chewie, and mid-laugh just started screaming. He was having a great time, but an overwhelming sense of pain, fear, and confusion came over him. At the time, Han stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Ben like he was some kind of monster. He could never forget that.  
He had been struggling with dreams lately, too. Luke said that Jedi could have visions, so Ben should just be on the lookout for the dreams’ events in the future. Ben wasn’t convinced that’s what they were, though. They were so vivid and always of the same little girl. She was small, with brown hair tied in three knots, and she wore tan rags. She most frequently showed up when Ben slept, but recently he’d been seeing her during the daytime, too. She was always bouncing around and then would suddenly stop, as if recognizing his presence, then would vanish. Ben would shake his head and then go on about his day, but his mind always traveled back to the girl. But lately, her countenance hadn't been as cheerful. She paced instead of bounced, and Ben couldn’t help but feel worried for her. Something felt off and he wanted nothing more than to help her, but he obviously didn’t even know who she was or what was wrong.  
~  
Ben had come to accept his place at Luke’s academy. He was his uncle’s prized student and all the others seemed to envy him. He had what Luke called “raw strength.” He said he came from a line of gifted Force wielders and was destined to continue to keep the Force in a balanced state, whatever that meant. Luke was teaching all about the ways of the Jedi and warned daily against the ways of the Dark Side. He never seemed to explain much about the darkness, though, which made the pressure of balance a little daunting. But he’d made peace with it. This is what he was meant to do. And this is how his family was supposed to be. His mother was meant to be a renown senator. His father was meant to continue his odd jobs with Chewie. Luke was meant to teach Ben everything he knew, and Ben was meant to balance the Force.  
While mostly monotonous, Ben grew to enjoy his time at Luke’s academy and made a few friends along the way. But even still, Ben kept his secrets about the little girl who always showed up, strange voices that he heard in his mind, and the feelings he’d suppressed for years now about his family. Until one day when it all changed.

~

Ben was sparring with a student about 15, the same age as himself, with wooden staffs. The young man struck at Ben with a swift swing of his staff and knocked Ben off his feet. The staff whacked Ben hard on the left arm, but the impact seemed to ripple through his entire body. He stumbled backwards in shock of the pain that ripped through him, but it wasn’t physical pain. Anger began to course through him and he found his grip on his staff and lunged at his sparring partner. He was relentless in his attacks, swinging and beating the young boy until he stood over his scared peer. Ben was practically snarling at the boy who was laying on the ground calling out for their Master Luke, but he didn’t hear anything from his own surroundings. All he could her was a high pitched voice screaming in his mind “No! Don’t go! Come back!”  
Ben jumped back as Luke’s hand wrapped around his arm, yanking him out of his vision. “Let me go!”  
Luke stared at him with questioning eyes. “Ben, you’re losing control of your emotions. Take a break and go meditate in your quarters.”  
“That’s just like you Luke! Emotions are evil, of the dark side. Why am I not allowed to feel what I’m feeling? Or what other are feeling for that matter! You’ve always expected me to shut myself off from everything without even considering what I’ve been through! You expect me to be some perfect Jedi, well I’m not! My parents only dropped me here with you because they think I’m some sort of monster! They’re scared and decided to just abandon me here hoping you could fix me. Well you can’t! I’ve got no one who wants me for who I am. And to top it all off, this little girl is haunting me and I can’t do anything about it! She’s hurting too, and it hurts me!” Ben was taking steps backwards, in the direction of his quarters. He turned and started to run, only pausing to yell at the audience that had formed to watch his tirade. “I can’t take anymore pain!”  
Luke watched in bewilderment as Ben disappeared. He sensed a darkness take seed in Ben’s heart and grew more concerned from that day on that Ben was going to be completely unbalanced in the Force.

~

Back in his quarters, Ben stretched out on his cot and closed his eyes, trying to sense the little girl who he’d heard screaming earlier. She was distant, but he could feel her pain, almost as if it was his own. She was filled with anger, sadness, loneliness. He couldn’t help but recognized how all those feelings mirrored in his own life. He thought he’d come to peace with where life had taken him, but the little girl reminded him of all he’d lost and the pressures put on him. Ben opened his eyes and found himself inside a dark room, but it wasn’t his own. He squinted and saw a small figure hunched in the corner. It was the little girl. She was sobbing, her tiny shoulders heaving. Ben’s heart broke for her. What on earth could have happened that left this innocent child so devastated? Not knowing what to do and if she even knew he was there, he walked over to where she sat and joined her on the ground. She didn’t seem to see him, but the moment he sat down, she wiped her eyes, looked up, and took a deep breath. Her storm of emotion settled and Ben was able to relax alongside her.  
Assuming that she couldn’t hear him since she obviously couldn’t see him, Ben whispered, “I’ll find you. Stay here. I’ll come back for you sweetheart, I promise.”  
The little girl sat up straight and looked around frantically, looking for the owner of the voice that just spoke to her.  
Ben, blushing because he realized she heard him, let go of his connection to her. He didn’t mean to frighten her. He sighed and vowed he would do his best not to bother her and frighten her even more.  
He still reached out every now and then to check on her through the Force. He’d sense her feelings of perseverance and longing and know that she was still there waiting. He wouldn’t push any further, just enough to know she was okay. Then he’d drop the connection again.  
But as the years went on and he succumbed to the darkness inside him, he began to lose his connection to the girl. His own feelings, influenced by the confusing addition of the girl’s, led him further into the depths of the dark side, forsaking all he’d known of light and love. Her light had always pulled at him, but he pushed it away, and consequently, he pushed her away until he never felt her in the Force again. 

~

Years later, in a snowy forest on a planet of death, Ben stood in front of a young woman, in dirty rags with her brown hair in three buns. She reached out her hand and pulled his family’s saber from the snow. The Force pulsed through her as the lightsaber ignited in her hands and Ben stared in disbelief.  
“It is you.”

**Author's Note:**

> In Ben’s memories, he thinks about the time when he was about 10 years old. This was referencing to him feeling the unimaginable pain of Rey’s birth.


End file.
